Many of us are currently living our lives on autopilot out of habit. Just doing what is expected of us, doing the same ol' things everyday, eating the same foods, going to the same places, and not necessarily carrying our days in a fulfilling way.
It's kind of like just going through the motions of life but not really headed anywhere. It's just the way it is.
If you can relate, I can assure you that you’re not alone. Living out of habit can make you feel lacking in the richness and simple pleasures of life.
But I am happy to say that it doesn’t have to be that way. When you begin to adopt and adapt habits for intentional living, you can start living your days on your own terms.
Here are 10 ways to help you lead a more intentional lifestyle.
What Does It Mean To Be Intentional?
With the life changes I've undergone in the last few years, such as the pandemic and becoming a parent, I’ve explored on what it actually means to be more intentional.
It really boils down to being aware of what you really want in your life and then aligning yourself, your habits and actions towards the quality of life that you wish to gain.
I look at this concept in two parts. First, figuring out what you want in life with what you want currently based on the "now". Second, figuring out what you want in the next few years. I think that when we try to reflect our lives in one big picture, it can be overwhelming for some of us if we don't know what we truly want or where we're headed.
To simplify it, I first focus on the "now" when thinking about what I want in my life within the next year. This means focusing on my values, priorities and goals.
Some questions to ask yourself when figuring out your intentions in this very moment include:
Where do you see yourself in the next few months or year?
What excites you now?
What makes you feel authentically good inside?
What keeps you pushing through when things get hard so that you don't give up?
What do you stand for right now as an individual human?
Who is in your life that is really important? What makes them important? How do they impact your current life?
What do you need for yourself right now and what do you want for yourself?
These questions may take some time to answer because we're so used to carrying our days prioritizing everyone and everything else before ourselves, that we don't often think about what we stand for, who we are and what we need versus what we want. We just do what needs to be done or at least what we think is expected of us from others.
But when you finally answer those questions, the next phase is to align yourself with what makes you feel alive and whole as well as what is truly important for you in terms of needs and goals. It's time to tie your desired self with your current self and figure out if these two personas are aligned with one another or if there is some work to be done to get yourself in alignment.
If I am completely honest with you, it is a journey. I have been able to align myself in some areas of my life while it is a very slow work in progress in other areas. And that is okay! As long as you are doing the work, overtime it will pay off.
Some questions to ask yourself when reflecting about how the current you is aligned with the desired you include:
How are you spending your time, money and energy?
What are you doing NOW to realistically level up to where or who you wish to be in the future?
What are you doing throughout your day or week that excites you? Are those things genuinely exciting for you or are you just complacent about them?
What are you doing with your time in the present to feel authentically good inside?
How are you pushing through when things get hard?
Do you genuinely live every single day on what you stand for as a person?
Who is in your life that is really important versus a distraction? What makes them important vs distracting? How is their value impacting your current life and future goals?
Are you getting what you need for yourself right now?
Are you practicing self-care?
While these questions are not meant to create a perfect life, it is intended to increase your self-awareness on whether you're carrying on your days purposefully.
It’s to learn more about where you're lacking in your life in order to find the courage to let go of things or habits that are not truly serving you any purpose when it comes to attaining the lifestyle that you want.
Living with intention means that you will need to eliminate and trade-off certain qualities in your everyday to achieve a better quality standard of living for yourself. It's about learning what are factors impact your living environment and taking responsibility on things you have control over to have fuller days.
How To Be Intentional
Like I said before, being intentional is a work in progress and a journey.
It can be unclear and your journey will definitely not be a linear one. You will need to come to terms with this reality. It can and will get messy in some areas, but you live and you learn. You apply those lessons in every day practices and you grow.
Allow yourself to be a student of life and to not be perfect every single time.
I can tell you first hand that living with intention was not in my priorities in my twenties. I was honestly in survival mode, trying to pay my bills and "adult" with a very small support system.
It wasn't until my thirties and after becoming a mom that my values shifted and realized that the quality of life that I was living was not truly what I wanted for myself or to offer my children. It was truly a reality check and a rude awakening.
Whether you're in your twenties, thirties, forties and so on... it's never to late to start living with purpose. You just have to be willing to be honest with yourself in the rawest form possible and... do...the...work.
Once you have an idea and are able to create a personal vision for yourself, the challenge then becomes "where and how do I even start?". This is especially true if you learn that you have a lot of work to do to get in alignment with who you want to be and how you wish to live moving forward.
How do you even start when the amount of work that you have to do seems endless and just the thought of it burns you out?
The answer is baby steps. Allowing your journey to be a slow progress and not rushing through it. In this day and culture, we want everything very fast with instant gratification. But this journey is not about speed.
Take one step at a time and little by little, you will be surprised at how much you've done and how far you've come.
10 Ways To Be Intentional Every Day
Here are 10 ways to become more intentional in your daily routine:
Be aware of the media you consume and how it affects your mood
Choose kindness over resentment
Do something that truly brings you joy
Ask “do I really need this” and "does it really serve me purpose" before splurging
Practice active listening
Make time to self-reflect to learn more about your progress
Do something that will challenge you and bring you pride
Question your commitment towards “have to’s”
Actively practice self-care
Learn when it’s time to let go
1. Be aware of the media you consume and how it affects your mood
Between TV, social media apps, and endless retail offers popping in your email inbox, it is very likely that you're consuming a lot of media every day.
While it's great to stay connect with people and to disconnect through social media scrolling, become aware on why we're seeking media outlets and how it is impacting you.
Media can be very meaningful for social connections and exploring ideas for new adventures. But it can also be a void if you're spending an endless amount of time consuming media just out of boredom or simply because you're burnout.
Watch out for content that's draining your energy, making you stressed or threatening how you perceive yourself in terms of self-worth. Sometimes consuming media about violence and inequalities can spike our anxiety during our downtime when we're trying to relax and recharge from your everyday stressors. As a woman of color, this is something I consistently have to watch out for.
Also, as a woman with a perfectly imperfect body and as an adult living a relatively simple lifestyle, scrolling through social media can lead to unhealthy comparisons, which can initiate self-doubt and diminish our confidence.
If any of these triggers resonate with you, set media boundaries for your own sake and ask yourself:
Why are you consuming media in the first place?
What purpose is it serving you?
Is there something more fulfilling you can be doing aside from scrolling your life away in media outlets?
If your answers are not wholesome or in alignment with the lifestyle you wish to have, then maybe it's time to switch it up and focus on spending your time doing something more meaningful.
2. Choose kindness over resentment
Your mindset is everything! When you live with resentment for whatever reason or circumstance, your feeding resenting thoughts to yourself and inviting toxicity into your life.
That's a choice. And you have full control over that choice.
Do you want to create a space full of negative thoughts and feelings or do you want to control how your space influences you?
Choosing kindness is intentional, especially when you're working on cleansing toxic habits or environments. I am a firm believer that what you project into the world and others is what you get back.
The choice to be kind to yourself and others gives you control to not let negative thoughts and feelings dictate how you go about your day and how you interact with others.
3. Do something that truly brings you joy
This generation is heavily focused on "hustling" as a means to achieve happiness. And while, yes, you may need to work on your happiness, it's not always about the grind and achieving a materialistic lifestyle.
We're conditioned to set aside our personal joys to be workaholics, whether that is in a professional setting, when working on your goals or maintaining your household. If you're not productive, you're not succeeding.
And often times we're sidetracked on what truly matters because we're allowing others to define what success should be for us. So ask yourself:
What does SUCCESS look like for you?
Is it really about working your ass off like a hamster running endlessly in a hamster wheel?
Is being happy and incorporating joy part of your success plan?
What does joy even look like for you?
When we think about success, we normally don't think about HAPPINESS. Many of us, including myself, think about financial freedom. We forget that to have a wholesome lifestyle, we need to incorporate joy in it. Joy adds value to our quality of life.
So add value to your everyday by investing a few minutes of your day just appreciating simple pleasures. This can completely change how you feel. Be intentional about making your mental health a priority, even when you’re stuck in a busy schedule.
4. Ask “do I really need this” and "does it really serve me purpose" before splurging
One of the biggest areas of growth in my intentional living journey was when I started thinking about how I spend my money in terms of need and purpose.
Many of us who work for a living live paycheck to paycheck and at some point in our workaholic way of life, we have the urge to reward ourselves here and there to feel like our hard work is validated. Almost like when you give a small child a piece of candy after doing a good job at a task.
We splurge to treat ourselves and feel better about the struggles of adulting. Now, let me say, that occasional splurging isn't frowned upon, but the point that I am trying to make is, did you really need that thing? And... is it serving a true purpose?
If you can answer those two questions honestly and without guilt, and the answer is yes, then by all means spend your money on that item. But if you're not being intentional about the things you buy and you're buying it out of habit or as a coping mechanism to manage stress in your life, maybe you need to address other components in your decision making process.
For example, if you realize that you're splurging as a coping mechanism to another issue, then be intentional by shifting your focus to work on those issues that are causing you to buy senseless things.
I can be an emotional buyer (thanks mom!) when I am very stressed. I like to shop in discount stores like Ross, Marshalls and TJ Maxx because it is almost therapeutic. But this may not always be the healthiest way to cope with stress.
When you pick up an item at the store, how does it make you feel? Do you REALLY love it?
If you don't love it, do you REALLY need it? Why do you need it?
The point is be conscious of the things you're buying and how those items are adding value to your life. And then, make the decision of whether spending your hard earned money on these material items is really worth it.
It does require some practice because you have to be in the moment and hold yourself accountable for your purchasing decisions. But with time, this mindset shift becomes a habit and will help you make better financial decisions later.
5. Practice active listening
Living with intention doesn't look the same for every single person. Every person is unique, each has individual core values and have different living standards. In other words, what's important to you may not be important to others around you. And vice versa.
This is because values vary from person to person. Yet, keep in mind that despite differences, you have a choice to be kind (remember that tip?) and choosing kindness welcomes human connection.
A fantastic way to foster connections with others in your life is by practicing active listening. This is especially important when engaging in thought or emotionally provoking conversations.
Active listening is the art of listening to understand what someone is trying to share rather than listening just for the purpose of reacting and responding.
You can show compassion and kindness to others by making an effort to really hear what they have to say. Instead of focusing on how you're going to respond, focus on trying to understand someone else's point of view without interjecting your own experiences into the mix or without quickly trying to fix their issue.
Don't center yourself in someone's dilemma if they're confiding in you with their struggles. Don't make it about you. This includes refraining from giving unsolicited advice if they didn't ask for it. Sometimes our loved ones just want to be heard.
Create a safe environment that you and others can trust when they come to you for support. This shows that you genuinely care for others and also builds respect for other beings.
6. Make time to self-reflect to learn more about your progress
You don't know if you're progressing in your journey if you're not keeping track of your thought processes and decisions along the way. For this reason, reflecting on your actions and feelings is important when taking baby steps towards intentional living.
Self-reflection is a way to show whether or not you're headed in the right direction. Journaling is a great way to self-reflect. You can invest a few minutes of your day (doesn't matter when) to think about your values, priorities, goals and checking in with yourself.
Reflecting can be very insightful because it forces you to be aware of yourself in terms of what is working out for you, things that are still making you unhappy, and things that you might still need to work on.
The more you reflect, the more intentional you become in your decisions -- whether those decisions are behavioral, emotional, financial, physical, etc.
Related Post: How to Journal as a Beginner
7. Do something that will challenge you and bring you pride
If you find yourself wondering whether you're spending your days to its fullest potential, then this tip can add purpose to your life.
Doing something that makes you proud doesn't have to be a huge task or goal. It doesn't mean running a 10k marathon or climbing a mountain (unless that's your thing). Nor does it mean that you need to become a member of a national organization and become a humanitarian.
It can be as little as organizing your closet or being more environmentally friendly in your household. It could also be as simple as silencing your phone to have a conversation with someone you care about. It could be volunteering once a month at a shelter or donating food.
The point is to do something that will make you feel good about yourself. And celebrate it!
8. Question your commitment towards “have to’s”
I think we're all guilty of committing to a lot of tasks throughout the week. It's no wonder that we are exhausted and burnout all the time.
But if we're really honest, only a fraction of our weekly to do lists are truly must do's. The issue here is that we feel a sense of responsibility to hold societal expectations of things we "should" be doing as adults or in our current stage of life.
We incorporate "have to's" not by our own expectations and standards on how we should be living our individual lives but by what we think we're being judged on. We drown in "have to's" due to the false belief that we're obligated to do certain tasks because this is what adults like us "should" be doing.
But who held a gun to your head and told you that you HAVE TO?
It's time to question why you feel obliged to add on certain things to your weekly list and whether those things should even be considered a priority for you.
Because we are creatures of habit, we may be doing things just cause it's been that way since forever without realizing that we're engaging in senseless activities that is just tiring us out and keeping us busy.
It's time to really look at the tasks you add on to your every day or weekly routine and determine if any of those things are truly needed or serve any value to your life. If it doesn't, then just stop doing them.
Set your own terms about things you need to do, not what others feel and expect from you.
Allow yourself to choose what is an important task or what should not be a "have-to", based on your goals.
9. Actively practice self-care
Practicing self-care is probably one of the most important tips to take away from this post. As adults, especially if you have to take care of others or you run a household, prioritizing yourself is rarely at the top of your list. But if you don't take care of yourself, it's very hard to continue to be a pillar for others who depend on you.
Your physical, emotional and mental wellbeing MATTERS. So you need to take care of these areas that make up you and maintain your sanity. Otherwise, you'll burnout, get stressed, be unhappy and go back to being on autopilot. All because you ran out of fuel to keep going and to invest in yourself.
Putting yourself first and taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is a need. Allow yourself to recharge so that you can continue to prioritize living an intentional life.
10. Learn when it’s time to let go
Finally, learning to let go of things that serves us no purpose or are weighing us down is an absolute must when living with intention.
In this journey, you have to learn to eliminate distractions and noise. You can't focus on making changes to your life if you're too distracted with your environment and catering to people or things that add no value to your life.
Letting go take many forms. It means to let go of physical items, like decluttering your home. It means letting go of people and habits that are toxic and drain your energy. It means letting go of beliefs you've been conditioned to believe while growing up. On many things, it means letting go of your past.
Now, this is much easier said than done. This why reflecting on yourself and your values is important. You need to learn what you truly value, what bothers you, what elevates you versus what brings you down, and it means releasing barriers that keep you from incorporating JOY.
This is a process. For some of you, it will be easier because you've developed a defense mechanism to cut anything and everything off that threatens your security. For others, this will be a very tedious process and it will take time to build that muscle to set boundaries for the purpose of growth.
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These are the things I continue to put into practice to boost the quality of my life and my kids. I’d love to hear what works for you in your journey!