I totally get it! We all need an emotional outlet to vent when life decides to be a little too spicy than we'd like to admit. Having someone you can turn to during challenging times in your life can be very comforting.
Likewise, being able to offer emotional support to those who need us can be fulfilling because you can appreciate the fact that you're needed and you serve a purpose in someone else's life, especially someone you care for.
Why do we need emotional support?
Emotional support gives a sense of emotional belonging. When we feel vibrationally low, we tend to tap into others who can help us connect to our sense of self, what we want out of a situation, what we struggle with, and all the feelings involved in the mix.
Emotional support helps us get grounded as individuals when we need a little pick-me-up during a specific troubling moment or when we have to make huge impactful decisions in our lives.
What happens emotional support is not reciprocated?
It gets very challenging when one person is stuck with all the comforting while the other person vents their breaths away. If you're usually the one who lends the ear or the shoulder to cry on, I'm sure you can relate in how overwhelming it get be.
Although helping your friends or loved ones through difficult times can be rewarding, it can get mentally and emotionally draining if you're the one who is constantly taking it all in.
Emotional burnout can occur if you're not careful at balancing your own energy against your friend's. Burnout is a type of exhaustion as a result of excess emotional and mental stress that keeps you from meeting certain demands such active listening and giving friendship advice.
How do you know if your friend is emotionally draining?
While there may be several factors that may cause you to feel emotional drained in a relationship, there are specific signs to watch out for.
An emotionally draining friend is someone who is constantly:
Surrounded by drama or a dilemma
Feeling sorry for themselves
Complaining
An emotional wreck
An emotionally draining friendship is typically one that sucks the energy out of you regardless of the mode of interaction (i.e. spending time together, phone, texting, etc.).
If you find yourself sighing or taking a deep breath as a means to mentally prepare yourself for a friendly interaction, then you should assess if this specific friend or a specific situation relating to this person is draining you.
Dealing with emotional burnout
Mentally preparing yourself to spend time with an emotionally draining friend should be a big sign that you need to prioritize your needs, inclusively, your emotional and mental health.
Allow yourself to regain your energy. Free yourself from the social pressure by helping your friend redirect their lower vibrational energy in a more constructive manner.
How to balance your energy needs while still giving emotional support
Let's keep it real, while providing emotional support requires you to be present through active listening, you might not be helping your friend if what they really need is to work through their challenges.
Sometimes we think we're doing our friends a favor by lending an ear or a shoulder when they actually need a little nudge in the right direction.
Redirect self-limiting behaviors. Redirecting your friends emotions or self-limiting behavior towards a call to action will help you find balance between your own energy and your ability to provide them with proper emotional support. Many times, friends who need our emotional support may not be aware that they're stuck in an emotional vicious cycle.
Minimize conversational loops. Help your own sanity by not falling into the same repeated conversations. Engaging in the same conversation is not necessarily providing emotional support if your friend continues to dwell in the challenges of life, which will never end.
There will always be something keeping us from something else. It's called life. We're all students of life. However, if you allow your friend to stay in that same conversational loop and you're aware that it is happening, then you're making a conscious decision at becoming the outlet for your friend without having an outlet yourself in this particular situation.
In other words, you're making the choice to become emotionally drained. That's right. It is your choice. Your friend isn't making you do this to yourself.
Give a call to action. Call to actions can sound intimidating but coaches and mentors do it all the time to help others get unstuck. A call to action can be as simple as asking what is your friend going to do to move on. For example:
"I know you're going through a lot right now and this can't be good for your mental or emotional health. So I need to ask, what are you going to do to stop feeling this way?"
Bouncing the issue back at your friend is going to help them move away from a state of despair and reel them into doing something about it to move forward. This is throwing accountability into their court so that they can regain control of their own emotions and actions.
Watch your tone. Giving a call to action, especially when you're frustrated or drained can sound aggressive if you're not careful. Remember, you're still the emotional supportive role so aggression is not the key when introducing accountability in your friendship.
After all, your friend is seeking to you for some form of help because they can't do it themselves and because they confide in your ability to hold the safety net when they're about to fall (or having been falling endlessly).
So, don't be snappy and check yourself.
Be warm and welcoming. It's okay to give tough love by introducing accountability to your friend but remember that you're also introducing and personal growth moment and this is a very vulnerable state that they're choosing you to be part of with them. Let them know you're there but productively.
Determine if you're actually helping them. Emotional support should a safe space for everyone participating in it. Read in between the lines when your friend is venting to see what they're actually asking of you or what they need.
Sometimes we think we're present but we might not be the actual cup of tea they need at that very moment. If your friend is venting about the same thing all the time, then this might be a clue that no matter how many times you sit down with them, nothing will change because it's not your call to fix it.
If your friend needs to move forward but doesn't know how to and you can't really help them, then you're offering redundant emotional support that will not go anywhere. Instead, let them know that you're torn between wanting them to be in a better place but feeling like you can't do much as a social resource to them.
Warmly entertain the idea that perhaps they need to tap into other resources to help them get unstuck. This way, you're not getting stuck along with them and you can create healthy boundaries when you're not the right role for that situation.