6 Ways to Break Self-Doubt

Imagine earning a dollar for every time you've doubted yourself. How rich would you become?

If your response is probably enough to buy a house on a stunning private tropical island and your own yacht, then darling, this blog is meant for you!

I want to share a concept I discovered a few years ago and have embraced for my own peace of mind — it's called fuck bucks.

I discovered this important concept in 2018 after watching Sarah Knight’s TED Talk on the Magic of Not Giving a Fuck. Believe me when I say that I've converted most of my "currency" from fear pennies to major fuck bucks in many aspects of my life.

What are Fuck Bucks?

In her analogy, fuck bucks consist of time, money, and energy. In this post, I want to concentrate on the energy aspect of the fuck buck account because I believe many of us expend our energy in areas that do not benefit our well-being or goals.

If you are investing too much energy in other things or people instead of yourself, then it's crucial to pay attention to the tips I'm about to share. Nobody likes a bully, and if you're reading this, you're likely being bullied by your own self-doubts.

I will provide you with some tips that have personally helped me become who I am today. Based on my mentoring experience, these tips will truly transform you IF you are honest with yourself and commit to them without making excuses.

How Socioeconomic Status Influences Self-Doubt

To help you understand how self-doubt entered my life, let me provide some background. I am a darker-skinned Latina mother who grew up in the United States. I lived in lower socioeconomic areas because that was all my parents could afford. Our family of four had a total household income of less than $45,000.

With that in mind, my modest lifestyle was never a choice, which is something some people can't even relate to. To be clear, I never lacked anything and was blessed with wonderful parents and a happy childhood. However, I didn't realize how much my upbringing would affect me when I went to college and met people with higher socioeconomic statuses than mine.

Comparisons of socioeconomic status with a "I lacked this..." mindset can lead to many internal insecurities and become overwhelming when trying to move from one socioeconomic level to a higher one. At one point, I felt I LACKED in many areas of my life when, in fact, my parents gave me the RICHES that many truly do lack—love, determination, and grit.

I carried these insecurities with me when I began my professional career, and they significantly hindered my ability to succeed. I was afraid to put myself out there. I was afraid to talk to people. I feared that I was inferior to those in my organization who held higher leadership positions than I did.

These feelings of inferiority trapped me in my own mind and hindered my professional growth. Carrying insecurities can be quite burdensome.

If you can relate... how does that burden feel on your shoulders?

For years, I was trapped by my own self-doubt. This weight I carried even affected my personal life, preventing me from forming relationships with good people who wanted to be part of my life. I had to reach a low point personally to realize how much self-doubt had turned me into someone I didn't want to be.

So, I decided to change my insecurities for my own sake. I challenged myself and changed how I viewed and carried myself. It's not easy, but you are worth it. Invest in yourself.

Here are the habits I embraced for my mental well-being and personal growth.

Trust your personal values

Understanding your personal values and what holds significance for you makes it simpler to assert yourself and make choices that reflect your core beliefs. If you're uncertain about your core values, I suggest dedicating some time to discover what is important to you, as this will assist you in forging a successful path.

Self-doubt can obscure your judgment, making it difficult to make crucial decisions that affect your future. Understanding your personal values helps build your character and personal brand, allowing you to be true to yourself rather than trying to fit into someone else's role.

Moreover, values play a significant role in the professional realm, especially if you aim to advance in your career. As a hiring manager, I look for candidates who align with the company's culture and whose beliefs resonate with the business's core values.

This is particularly important because, while a company can provide training for necessary skills if resources are available, it cannot teach someone to adopt the same values as the business. Sharing similar values enhances the chances of a candidate integrating well with the team and fitting into the company culture, increasing the likelihood of a longer tenure.

The same principle applies to personal relationships. The more you share common values with a friend or loved one, the greater the chance of mutual understanding and support. This dynamic is crucial for bonding in any relationship and influences its longevity.

Raise your emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EI) is a powerful tool for boosting confidence, and it's something that even the professional world is honing. It involves being aware of your own emotions and managing them constructively to navigate social challenges and conflicts effectively.

EI is crucial for personal development because it enables you to be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and your role in any given situation.

When facing self-doubt, emotions can surface both consciously and unconsciously. If you're unsure how to recognize and manage your emotions in a specific context, you risk expressing feelings to others that you might not even realize you have.

What does emotional purging mean?

Emotional purging happens when feelings are internalized for too long, overwhelming your body. If you don't manage your emotions or understand their significance, your body may react negatively.

Symptoms of emotional purging can include feeling angry at the world, blaming others, speaking incoherently, using hurtful words, displaying rude behavior, and more, depending on your personality.

The most challenging aspect of emotional purging is that you might not realize how much your emotions have taken over.

By controlling, validating, and expressing your feelings constructively, you can communicate better, empathize with others, and alleviate stress. This also helps you navigate difficult conversations or situations more effectively.

Pay attention when you start to feel uneasy or vulnerable. Reflect on the feeling and the context in which it arose. Understand the reason behind the emotion and acknowledge it.

Next, genuinely understand the reasons and mechanisms behind the trigger. Embrace it. Lastly, consider strategies to manage that trigger and apply them.

Stop seeking validation from others

Avoid constantly seeking validation from others. Have confidence in yourself, your abilities, and your core values. Continuously seeking validation conveys to others that you are uncomfortable with your identity, beliefs, and actions.

Putting yourself in a position of constant validation also suggests you might fear others' judgments or how they perceive your achievements. People can sense this, and those with different agendas may exploit it.

Trust in your uniqueness and the value you bring to every relationship, whether personal or professional. This doesn't mean seeking validation occasionally is wrong.

Seeking feedback is beneficial and should be considered. However, there's a point where too much input from others can erode your self-confidence, especially if the project is significant to you.

Validation is gratifying and boosts your confidence, but be wise about when and from whom you seek it.

Validation versus Personality Styles

It's crucial to recognize that some individuals may not provide validation in the manner you desire. This doesn't mean you're not doing well in your endeavors. It just indicates that some people might choose to stay quiet even when you're succeeding. This is how they express their validation.

If you are confident in your performance, that is the only validation you truly need. Yassss girl! Yaaassss.

Learn to Self-Validate

To engage in self-validation, stand before a mirror. Recognize at least three aspects of your work from that special project that you are confident and proud of. Look yourself in the eye and truly believe in those three things. Allow them to resonate within you.

At first, this may feel rather awkward, and it requires time to become comfortable. Invest in yourself, as everything you do holds significance and value.

Ignore socioeconomic statuses or workplace positions

Don't spend your time fretting over socioeconomic standings or workplace hierarchies. You hold the same value as anyone else, and perhaps even greater. Don't let lavish lifestyles diminish your modest or growing status. Concentrate on yourself and your own worth.

Here's something to remember... nobody is flawless, and nobody is above you. Everyone is unique with their own aspirations. Everyone also encounters personal struggles, regardless of how polished or accomplished they may seem.

Even Top Leaders Experience Self-Doubt

I once conversed with a notable individual in my professional circle who shared his insecurities during board meetings. He felt out of place because he looked younger and different from the other board members. He also had a master's degree, whereas his colleagues had doctorate-level qualifications.

This highlighted a gap in how he saw himself in relation to his peers. It was an opportunity to provide an external viewpoint on his situation. What I noticed was:

Possessing a master's degree (an achievement not many in our communities have reached) and securing a seat at that table demonstrated that he applied his expertise and skills, proving he deserved his position just as much as anyone else there.

Standing out due to your uniqueness makes you noticeable, and others can see this. Without any effort, you inspire those who share your traits, personal and educational background, and ambitions.

The message I want to convey is that socioeconomic statuses and positions, in general, are irrelevant. What truly matters is the journey you take to reach your desired destination.

Use Your Background to Your Benefit

Leverage your position or status to your advantage. If your distinct qualities make you stand out, share them with others. Refrain from using them to cultivate a limited or negative perspective on your abilities, determination, and skills.

Let's put this into practice!

Take a sheet of paper and create three columns. At the top, specify an important goal you want to achieve. In the left column, list your background, covering personal, professional, and educational details.

Leave the middle column blank for now. In the right column, write down your immediate thoughts as you reflect on your background. Do this without overthinking.

Once you've filled in the right column, review it. Is it positive? Negative?

Now, turn your attention to the middle column. Note the positive aspects of each part of your background and how they can assist you in reaching your specific goal. Keep these strengths in mind as you pursue your goal. Acknowledge your powerful tools.

Be cautious of your support system

Have you ever wanted to try something new, only to have those you trust or admire dismiss the idea? Did they discourage you? Did they make you doubt the value of your idea or your ability to pursue it?

If so, how did it make you feel? How did you respond?

Many of us in this situation might abandon our own interests and goals after facing such discouragement. We allow others to dictate our interests and goals, letting them diminish our motivation to pursue what we truly desire.

If your support system undermines your drive to pursue something important for your personal fulfillment and wellbeing, you need to question whether it is genuinely supportive.

Evaluate your Support System

Some of us have a great support network, while others do not, and some have none at all. Take a moment to evaluate the kind of system you have.

• Who comprises your support network?

• Do they share your enthusiasm for that particular "something"?

• Do they typically encourage you to improve yourself?

These questions can help you determine whether your support system is toxic or empowering. If someone you rely on for support often discourages you, consider carefully whether they should be part of your "system".

Cleansing your Support System

You might need to start a process of cleansing your support system and remove those who aren't aiding you at all. This task is challenging, particularly when it involves immediate family members, partners, best friends, etc.

Cleansing your support system can be painful, to be clear. It's difficult because it requires detaching from people you've been close to for years. It might mean ending relationships that have been significant but no longer help you reach your goals.

Although restructuring your support system is daunting, it's vital to remain true to yourself and your objectives. It's also crucial to be certain of what you want. This process demands a methodical approach, and your decisions must be firm, as once you remove someone from your system, you may not be able to bring them back.

Before you decide to cleanse your support network, make sure the feedback you receive is truly harmful. Keep in mind that sometimes the negativity originates from within us, and we project it onto others because it's easier than addressing our own personal challenges.

When building a solid support system, seek out individuals who can offer wisdom from their personal experiences and those who encourage you to explore new paths.

A diverse mix enhances your ability to achieve your goals, as you will gain insights about yourself and the journey you're on. Different perspectives and encouragement will help you grow as a person, fostering trust and intuition within yourself.

Keep your goals to yourself

Discussing your goals can boost your confidence during conversations. When you share your future achievements with others, it provides an exciting glimpse into what lies ahead. That excitement feels great, doesn't it?

Oversharing Goals Leads to False Satisfaction

However, there's a downside to experiencing that excitement. When you share your goals with everyone, each time you feel the thrill of achieving them, you're actually creating a false sense of accomplishment. Derek Sivers, an American writer, musician, programmer, and entrepreneur, introduced this idea in a TED Talk back in 2010.

When you find yourself feeling the satisfaction of reaching a goal just by sharing it with others, it can divert you from actually achieving it. Boasting about your goals as if they're already completed can reduce your motivation to work consistently towards them. Consistency is essential for building success.

Therefore, avoid discussing your goals unless you're collaborating with a mentor or coach to actively pursue them. This is crucial because your goals are personal.

Sharing Goals Prematurely can Backfire

Beyond temporary satisfaction, sharing your goals prematurely can backfire, as others might use this information against you. You might face opinions and criticisms you're not ready for, or encounter unexpected indifference. These elements can lead to discouragement and disappointment, potentially steering you away from achieving your dream.

Indeed, goals are also dreams. As you start pursuing your goals, you'll develop a plan based on your vision for them. However, oversharing can cloud that vision with others' opinions.

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't achieve what you've set your mind to. And since when were your personal goals open for negotiation?

Your personal goals are unique to you for a reason—because no one else is YOU. Do yourself a favor and don't let others dictate who you are or why a particular goal isn't right for you. You know yourself better than anyone else.

Invest in the power of your vision. Picture how your strategy to reach that goal will unfold. Once you put this plan into action, it will transform into your mission. Keep that in mind.

Conclusion

Self-doubt can appear in various forms. It's crucial to invest time in learning effective methods to overcome self-doubt, allowing you to build the confidence you truly deserve. Overcoming self-doubt involves trusting your own values, enhancing your emotional intelligence, and ceasing the constant need for validation from others.

Conquering self-doubt also means disregarding socioeconomic statuses or job titles, being aware of your support network and adjusting it if necessary, but ultimately, keeping your goals private. This blog presents 6 strategies to help you overcome self-doubt.